Inevitable
by DXM Junkie
Summary: They'd meet again in the next life, but it would take nightmares to remember. Non-AU. Akuroku/Zemyx. Complete.
1. Stage I

Inevitable

Thanks to _Kunoichi21_ for going back through and editing this.

I.

When Roxas first met Axel something shot through his veins in anticipation. It was like all the nerve endings in his body simultaneously sparked.

Roxas was irritable after the four-hour drive from the airport with his domineering father and he'd not been looking forward to the humid freshman dorms of Hollow Bastion University. The goodbye exchanged back home was swift and left him feeling vindictive.

He kicked the door open with one foot while cussing quietly as pain shot up his leg. Huffing with exertion Roxas anxiously glanced up, hoping his new roommate wasn't too scary. Instead he saw a face that made all his thoughts skirt away.

For Roxas, his first memories of Axel were all about his eyes. Roxas had no idea why that gaze would make him feel so at ease or why he would have to clench his own set shut before shaking his head and extending one hand in greeting. When they shook hands anxiously, Roxas felt a puzzle piece finally fit into place.

_That exact shade of green_ – he thought wildly, _I've seen it before_.

When Axel first met Roxas something restless inside of him was inexplicably calmed. Some murmur in his brain finally died down and as the kid awkwardly shook his hand, warmth pooled liquid inside his stomach.

The random-roommate assignment was something Axel had been dreading. Axel feared he would get some uppity rich kid because karma was a bitch like that and Axel thought he probably deserved a shit roommate.

He was sweating in his new room, throwing boxer shorts into the old dresser when he heard cussing at the door. The door swung open – and for Axel, his first memories of Roxas were all about his eyes. Axel felt shivers run down his spine.

_Those eyes_ – Axel thought, _I've seen them before._

An hour after introductions, and reassuring each other that no, they had never met before, both teenagers simultaneously realized that they were from, metaphorically speaking, different worlds. It wasn't just the strange array of stuff that was scattered across the room (everything Axel owned was black and worn to tatters, everything Roxas owned was new and very clean).

They sat atop their loft beds chatting quietly, straining to catch the breeze from the revolving fan that circled between them. Roxas was a very anti-social person by nature but for whatever reason he spoke with Axel like they were old comrades.

Conversations between them were easy and forthcoming. They obviously had nothing in common, but the next thing they knew it was already two in the morning. It was so very odd, to the both of them, what with this easy friendship.

So they both refused to question it; despite noticeable differences, since neither knew anyone else who went to that school and they were _roommates_ after all. It only made sense that they ought to get along well together.

And neither wanted to give a voice to that unshaken feeling of familiarity they felt.

Both thought it would sound stupid aloud.

II.

People on the floor wondered what made the pair such good friends. During the first semester of school they were virtually inseparable. They took the same classes, ate at the same mealtimes, and walked everywhere together. Many people concluded that they'd known each other since childhood, and this was the reason for the close friendship.

A few other students concluded that Roxas was sleeping with Axel so Roxas could have protection against the people he verbally abused each day.

When people bothered to ask, they often expressed astonishment that the pair hadn't known each other for years. But outsiders could only see the superficial differences.

Axel was tall, loud and boisterous. He always carried a mischievous smirk plastered across his face and his laugh was thick and raspy. He smoked cigarettes and drank beer after class and attended hard-rock shows till late in the morning. He wasn't sensitive, he was a bit of a pervert, and he was incredibly touchy when people tried to enter his private life.

At parties, he would sometimes try to pick up ladies to bring back home with, but always 'bail out' later because he shared a dorm room. Axel was sarcastic and uncaring. He did schoolwork only because he knew that University was his final chance to leave the world he'd grown up in. This college freedom was nothing new for him because he'd always been on his own.

Axel was an adopted child, but the family eventually sent him away to foster care after several incidents with the police. Axel deeply mistrusted people for this reason, and it shaped a lot of how the redhead thought about things. Axel assumed his birth parents forgot about him years ago. He wondered if the people who raised him even cared if he was still alive. Roxas figured that this was the reason Axel was keen on people remembering him, especially with his cheesy, "Got it memorized...?"

Roxas on the other hand was short, quiet and serious. He was a hard worker and rarely smiled. He was listless the first few weeks of class, unsure of what to do with all the freedom. Roxas always left a strong impression on people, but mostly because his eyes always held a touch of sadness that seemed impenetrable.

He did his homework and tagged along behind Axel and his only hobby was skateboarding. He was even more sarcastic than Axel and came across as cold and snobby. He was never afraid to say what he thought, and Axel easily understood why a lot of people considered that hubris. But it was not arrogance, Axel knew, because Roxas had the biggest self-confidence complex on this side of Mars.

Roxas considered himself a deserter to his family and friends. When he left for University he knew that he would never be welcomed back home. After you left the Destiny Islands, you were worthless. His old friends and his own twin brother – the people he'd loved so dearly and spent every day of his life with – were angry, vindictive, xenophobic and bitter at his choice in schools.

Why not just go to school at home they demanded. But Roxas was so uneasy back then, so ready for a new life and a new chance. All he wanted was to feel alive, at least a little bit.

By some unspoken agreement, they explained their home life to each other once in the first week of class. They were drunk. Axel stated shortly that he didn't have one, and Roxas replied that it was the same for him; only he amended that statement by adding that no one wanted him back in the first place. They went into a few details, but wouldn't seriously touch upon the subject again for almost three years.

Forgetting about the past seemed imperative. So instead they began to learn quirks, pet peeves, and how they could annoy each other the most. The first few weeks they found many ways to joke around, some of them being cruel and spiteful and underhanded. Others involved shaving cream and a pound of skittles. They were young idiots for the most part, laughing at their own jokes.

During this time they also got to know what each other's genuine smile looked like, and the sound of each other's happy laughter. They knew what food the other preferred, and even vague dreams for the future. Every new thing they learned, it felt like they had always known it. _It figured_, is what Axel thought a lot.

It figured that Roxy would like sea-salt ice cream, 'cause after all how could he not?

They began to realize that they were not as opposite as they originally assumed, but how could they be with such an easy friendship? They both thrived on playing jokes, they both loved watching documentaries about ancient civilizations, they both adored sitting atop the largest building on campus and eating ice cream. They both wanted to do nothing more than hang out with each other and banter forever.

They also both felt more at ease with each other than any other person they ever met before. Roxas found himself telling Axel secrets he never even murmured to his own twin.

Was this the inevitable agreement that they formed with each other?

Roxas often wondered this. They had no one else so they might as well make family out of each other. And family they became – long before anything else.

III.

That Christmas break, both stayed behind in dormland. With the campus empty of inhabitants and almost a month of freedom (neither had jobs) they learned to amend some of their hobbies. They began to share interests. Roxas would come with Axel to his wild parties and haul him home drunk if Axel would go snowboarding with Roxas at least twice a week.

They fell into an easy rhythm as if it had always been there.

It was only after they made another set of friends did they realize how strange things must look to other people. They met a bubbly New Zealand boy named Demyx and his roommate, a quiet introvert named Zexion. Demyx became the talkative musician in their group while Zexion was the clever literate one.

Demyx immediately asked if they were "homos" since even his parents didn't hang out as much as they did. There was an awkward silence and two blank stares before Axel burst out laughing. As the redhead tried not to choke on his own spit, Roxas crossed his arms and looked Demyx right in the eyes. Roxas glared, and glared, and glared before finally setting Demyx straight. Dem quickly learned to never ask again because when Roxas would glare it was like razorblades slicing through sensitive skin. It made a person feel devastated and lonely.

They met Demyx and Zexion in the campus library because it sported cheap coffee and they could use the bigger, better computer monitors to play video games against each other. After a few proper introductions the group began to sit in the same study room.

Demyx would bring sheet music and practice on his Sitar, Zexion read quietly in the corner, Roxas drew in his sketchbook, and that left Axel to screw around on the Internet. When it was nicer out they lobbed snowballs at each other next to the lake off campus. They bantered, laughed, and poked fun at one another. Their first Christmas break ended on that note.

Second semester rolled around when Roxas accidentally discovered that Demyx and Zexion lived on the floor below them. Classes were in full swing so everyone's schedules became undeniably hectic but the group would always find time to hang out. Roxas soon felt more fondness for these boys than he did for his own kin. This felt like what family was supposed to be – unconditional, unflinching support.

Again, it was an easy sort of friendship for all of them though completely different facets came to play individually.

Roxas and Zexion would talk endlessly about books or philosophy. Zexion called these talks _'brain sex'_ and Roxas enjoyed them immensely. He could ask Zexion any question and get a thoughtful response. Roxas had more one-on-one time with Zexion than Axel did, but he never wanted to hang out with Zexion more than Axel.

Axel was comforting, was omnipresent, and was the only human being Roxas spoke his trivial thoughts too. Zexion initially thought Roxas was a mute when they met in the library; however he soon learned that Roxas didn't waste his words on many people unless he was verbally abusing them. This was usually the case.

That year, Axel and Zexion tended to keep their talks short – meaning it was mostly gossip about the fair-haired friends. Roxas begged Axel to not leave him alone with Demyx for too long. It wasn't that he didn't like the kid; it was just a lot of energy to handle. Once Demyx mellowed and got used to him, they began to hang out more.

Zexion and Demyx were another story; equally as different but equally as perfect to become friends. They were inseparable in an entirely different way to Axel and Roxas.

If you weren't watching closely you would think Demyx was the one clinging to Zexion but in fact it had always been the other way around. Zexion was more socially awkward than Roxas which was a laudable feat, and during the first weeks of college he'd unwillingly stuck by Demyx. Demyx was always eager to make friends and somehow understood that Zexion didn't like to converse with people. Presto! Two opposites began to appreciate each other.

Of course Axel preferred to hang around with Roxas foremost but during second semester students would often find him chilling beside Demyx. They played music together and talk innuendo for hours. Demyx got him back into memorizing chords for the guitar and during Axel's 19th birthday that year the group pitched in to buy Axel a six-string acoustic. Demyx and Axel invariably laughed about starting a band and how impossible it was because neither could sing worth a damn.

At Hollow Bastion University students were only required to live on-campus for one year. After that they could decide on off-campus housing, which was a lot cheaper. As summer dawned the four boys decided to rent a house together. It wasn't like they needed to ask any parents for permission, so they simply signed the forms inferring they wanted to live off-campus. Apparently Zexion's family didn't contact him very often and Demyx's family couldn't, what with being across the world.

The truth maintained that they were all broke as a joke and none entertained any endevors to return home for the summer.

So they planned on getting construction jobs, "Duu~des, seriously, we need to do something so I can work off my pudge," Demyx incessantly whined.

As long as people would keep their fucking dishes clean, Roxas reasoned, he could easily live with all of them. So they moved out of Fruland Hall and into an old two-story flat that was only a five-minute walk from campus. They worked painting houses, passing a cigarette between them at the end of the day, sipping cheap beer and toasting to their new abs.

They were companions that summer. Young and stupid companions.

IV.

Roxas woke up sweating and achy. His heart was pounding and a silent sob forced its way from his throat. His arms blindly grabbed forward into the inky darkness, and his eyes squeezed shut. He let his arm fell back to his chest and he tried to still his trembling.

Alone. He felt so alone, so scared – entirely separate from everything. Like his memories were wiped blank and he'd been walking around as a zombie for a lifetime. The blanket was thrown back and he unsteadily arose to his feet. The room was dark and he nearly tripped over his end table.

His eyes scanned the digital clock and his hand pulled at his hair in agitation. He felt needy, and he wanted nothing more than to see Axel, to fling his arms around the redhead's neck and bury his face in his shoulder and stay there. But it was three in the morning. Axel needed to go to work in less than five hours.

The nightmare pulled on his mind, making him uncharacteristically nervous.

This hadn't been the first time he'd dreamt this particular nightmare, but they were steadily becoming more realistic. Ever since he started University they'd become twenty times more memorable than he could ever remember. They made Roxas want to bash his head against the wall because when he woke up like that he wasn't sure that he would even feel it.

Words, phrases, something like memories were washing over him. White, white halls. Tall seats in a round room, an insignia… the number XIII.

Tears unwittingly sprang from his eyes, as he frantically thought, _No!_

_I won't remember, it's not real, I know who I am, I'm a somebody, I'm not a_nobody.

Roxas began pacing back and forth, his mind not slowing down. He felt this sick desperation like he would never see Axel (why was it always Axel?) again. He couldn't calm down. Making his mind up and screwing the consequences he strode out of his room and down the hall.

Roxas and Axel shared rooms on the top floor of their flat, with their own bathroom since Roxas was a little OCD about cleaning and Demyx was a slob. Roxas reached his door in record time and lifted his hand to knock, then held himself back.

_This is crazy_, he thought with irritation. _I have no reason to wake him up at three in the fucking morning_.

His eyes closed again and he let out a defeated sigh. He needed to do this. At this point Roxas knew he had no choice. He would have to wake up Axel, or he knew that he would never sleep and would instead spend the hours until dawn curled in a ball trying not to sob. Which was more pathetic?

Roxas stared at the door blankly. This feeling was inimitable; the depth of loss that Roxas felt in his heart was nothing like he'd ever known. More flashes of the same scenes – this weird fucking heart in the sky that he would always see.

Roxas pushed Axel's door open, and spotted the older man sleeping in his bed, face smushed between two pillows like always.

"Axel," Roxas whispered loudly, trying not to let his voice break, "Wake up."

Roxas crouched forward and shook Axel a couple times, hearing the man groan.

"Roxas, what the fuck? It's still dark out," Axel moaned, rolling over and blearily looking up at his friend. It was indeed dark, but Axel could tell from the shimmer in Roxas' eyes that something was wrong.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He breathed quickly, sitting up.

Roxas gave him a very uncertain look, weary almost. He was pulling against two primal instincts, comfort and pride. The comfort his mind demanded, and the pride his will refused to secede.

After a moment, he finally dropped onto Axel's bed and tossed his arms around his neck and trembled, nose curled against a protruding clavicle. A heavy puff of hot air warmed Axel's throat. Axel automatically reached up to wrap his arms around Roxas. He was wide-awake now.

"…" Axel remained quiet, sifting his hands through blonde hair. In the time he'd known Roxas, the blond revealed himself to be a very un-emotional person. Not to say he didn't have feelings, because that was idiotic, but he was astonishingly adept at hiding his pain.

Roxas knew how to fake-smile like the pros; he never showed people this side of himself because he viewed emotions as weakness. So Axel stayed quiet. Roxas would talk when he wanted to.

He pulled at the slim body and scooped him under the blankets, curling both arms around the smaller torso tightly. Roxas was slick with sweat but Axel wasn't concerned. He felt Roxas slowly relax against his body.

With Roxas sandwiched between Axel and the bed he began to calm down. The crazy, giddy terror of _is Axel alive?_… finally left him. His trembling subsided.

After several beats Axel pulled back and glanced down. Roxas eyes were framed with dark creases and he appeared exhausted. His normally spiked hair was limp and rumpled. Slender fingers curled around Axel's t-shirt tightly.

A drowsy wave took over Axel as he sighed deeply and dropped back to the pillow, forehead brushing blond spikes.

"I keep seeing you die in my dreams." Roxas finally croaked, just loud enough to be audible.

Axel's eyes snapped open and he blinked rapidly. Why did that create such a twinge in his heart? Why did the tone of his voice, that despondent helplessness, hit too close to home?

"I keep seeing you die and I can't ever do anything. We are in this weird place – there is white everywhere, swirly shit. You keep yelling at me not to leave and there is this…clock tower," Roxas trailed off as he tried to recall more. Then he quickly shook his head.

"It's stupid." He finally amended, pulling way from Axel's embrace. He half expected Axel to agree with him but instead the redhead wore a faraway expression.

"I feel like I know that place," Axel whispered. He sounded almost nostalgic.

Roxas barely heard the sentiment because now that the fear waned, he was incredibly embarrassed. Crawling into the bed of his roommate because of nightmares? How old was he again?

"Well you can't. It was a stupid nightmare; I can't believe I let it bother me so much. Sorry to wake you, I'll head back to my room." Roxas whispered quickly, motioning to get up. Axel grasped his arm swiftly.

"Roxas. Shut your face and sleep here." Axel ordered shortly, pulling him back down and quickly getting comfortable again.

Roxas felt his lips twitch into an unintended smile. He did as he was told.


	2. Stage II

V.

Sophomore year was a blur.

Fall found the group worrying about grades together as they did every other mundane college activity they could with a smirk and a cynical retort. They would attend a few of the comedy shows, most of the free movies, and every Thursday garage band concert. They studied constantly and partied like it was their last year alive. Sometimes they would be seen, each hung-over, eating greasy food noisily at the Perkins down the street.

For Roxas, the best part of college was that no one cared who they were, where they went, why they did what they did. This was so different for him when he thought back to how it used to be. His family was considered prestigious, and he'd been told to act a certain way. Back then he was so lonely, trapped with people who didn't attempt to understand.

But now life was fun.

It was starting to feel like the four had always lived together, like the traditions they came up with the year prior were implemented since childhood. During Christmas the boys made cookies in the shapes of naked women and frosted on bikinis so you could lick the edible clothing off. They created an igloo with frozen water from the bathtub and were constantly pranking the sorority girls next-door.

During summer they would raft down the river, play disc-golf on the terrace, and drink till the sun rose pink in the east sky. They hiked on the outskirts of the city and laughed easily and openly, shaded far away from other people. During these times Zexion was talkative and carefree, Roxas was emotional and enthusiastic, Demyx was calm and understanding, and Axel smiled without a hint of sarcasm and acted like it was the best day of his life.

Sophomore year found them growing up together, pursuing life together, and learning about not being idiots together.

Axel managed to drag Zexion to a few parties and Roxas began to speak civilly with most people. Demyx made a few fans by playing his Sitar so they were able to get some musicians over to the house a couple nights a month. Axel and Demyx spent most of their time together jamming, and Demyx began to secretly give Zexion drum lessons. Roxas would pull out his Melodica sometimes, but never because he got good at playing. He would do it because they were drunk and it was funny.

Then as soon as winter of their junior year hit, despite how busy and full the days were, something began to change within Roxas.

To put it simply his nightmares grew worse.

Before that year he'd had these nightmares maybe once a month. They were always the same – they had been his whole life – but they'd gotten stronger since he went away to college. A long time ago Roxas informed his twin about their heady strain, but he was brushed off nonchalantly.

Dreams weren't important; his friends back home told him, they didn't mean anything.

But they must have meant something to him because they got inexplicably dreadful.

Roxas barely slept a few hours a night and even his grades began plummeting. Besides Zexion, Roxas was always the most gung-ho about getting perfect marks, but this new Roxas was depressed and distraught.

Of course most people who knew Roxas as a general acquaintance couldn't tell the difference. He looked the same, maybe a little tired, but still impeccable at hiding his emotions. He acted the same, maybe a little more distant, but still adamantly working hard in class. The blond no longer blatantly ignored people who spoke to him; instead he simply listened to what they had to say.

But he was becoming more withdrawn than ever before and it soon came to the point that the only words he spoke during the day were to Axel, and they were words of absolute loss. He didn't know why these nightmares scared him so badly, or why when Axel wasn't next to him he was unable to breathe properly. He'd never required another person around before, but something about those nightmares – about Axel's eyes and this twist of red flame – would leave him helpless.

When he thought about his twin – _Sora_ – his heart would ache so acutely. He hadn't spoken to his family in almost two years and he was beginning to wonder if they ever really loved him or if he made that up in his own head.

At first Demyx and Zexion did what they could to help him.

Demyx tried to cheer him up by taking him to more events, trying to have him meet more people and talk more openly. This backfired; even though Roxas always went with Demyx when he asked, afterwards he seemed so exhausted. From there Zexion tried to give Roxas an escape (from Demyx mostly) by hauling him away to the library to read. He thought maybe Roxas just wanted more time alone with his thoughts.

But reading would only make Roxas doze and Zexion became the second person to experience the reality of Roxas' nightmares. Zexion watched the tears of agony wash over smooth cheeks and felt his throat tighten at the sight of nails digging into skin so hard it looked unbearable. When Roxas woke he began screaming for Axel, loud, breaking. Zexion called Axel from class and the redhead rushed over to the library to pull Roxas into his arms and sooth him.

It seemed the worse and worse things got that winter, the harder Roxas clung to Axel.

This seemed to incense Roxas even further, though he never took it out on the redhead. He opted to take it out on himself instead. He couldn't fathom why he was swiftly becoming a desperate weakling who needed to stick by Axel's side. He worried that Axel might be annoyed, dealing with a petulant child scared of petty nightmares. He wanted to try and cut himself off of Axel, because he feared he would become even more dependant if he kept this up. But the idea of losing Axel was scarier to Roxas than the idea of clinging to him.

The night after Zexion experienced Roxas' nightmares for the first time, Zexion asked Axel if the nightmares were always that bad.

Axel grimly nodded his affirmation, "For as long as I've known him, he's had those fuckers. Back in the dorms they weren't so bad; I'd hear him get up and stuff but nothing much after that. He would sometimes act funny the next day, but square it away by evening."

Green eyes flickered over to Zexion.

"Now, it's like watching him die. I think they've _always_ been this bad, Roxas just doesn't know how to hide it anymore."

VI.

"Roxas, are you going to be okay?" Demyx finally asked him one day. Roxas was slouched over his breakfast, looking more akin to a zombie than a functioning human.

"What…" Roxas trailed off, averting his eyes.

Demyx huffed and plopped into the seat beside him before motioning Zexion over to join them. Zexion elegantly sat into the other chair. Roxas glared at his cereal, feeling slightly cornered.

"Roxas, if there is anything we can do," Zexion offered quietly.

"Roxy-babe is just a little tired." Axel said pointedly from the hallway, making both Demyx and Zexion jump in their seats. An expression of guilt ran across their faces. Roxas slid his eyes in the direction of his best friend, a grateful expression.

"Tired?" Demyx scoffed.

"Roxas, you look like you just got a year of having Mononucleosis." Zexion continued, crossing his arms and scowling. Axel appeared around the corner, his own expression tight. He remained passive however, watching Roxas for any signs telling him to end this conversation. Axel often acted over-protective of him. Roxas was never more thankful that Axel was on his side.

Roxas knew that Axel would never mention the content of his nightmares to the others, not if he didn't want him to. Not that Roxas reiterated many facets, but Axel somehow knew what they were about anyways. He once mentioned a few minor details that Roxas couldn't remember telling him.

But, Roxas trusted Dem and Zex and knew that they wouldn't make fun of him. Roxas was also so tired of everything, and he wanted his friends to stop worrying about him like he was going to drop dead at any given moment.

"Just some crap nightmares." Roxas weakly admitted.

Demyx raised his eyebrow, his face pale, "What kind of nightmares?"

So Roxas told them. With Axel leaning against the counter, Demyx clearly looking upset, and Zexion staring off with an unreadable expression, Roxas told them all about it.

About this weird world that somehow never was, and how he is an empty husk and there is this stupid heart in the sky and these black things would chase after him. How there are chairs in a wide round room and intimidating cloaks.

And these weapons that he has instead of a heart and how much he just wants a heart instead of the weapons.

Roxas didn't tell them how every night he would watch Axel die. He didn't tell them because he couldn't bear to voice the words let alone express that idea. Instead he described the crushing, mind-numbing pain that was being empty inside.

Later, Demyx went to Zexion's room. His eyes were bleak and jittery and Demyx desperately tried to convey some of what he was feeling to his quiet friend. Zexion felt proud of Demyx for trying to voice all the words in simple vocabulary, yet more eloquently than Zexion could ever accomplish. Even if Zexion tried he couldn't have made the words ring truer.

Demyx told him how scared he was, not of Roxas, but of the feelings he'd described. Zexion would never comment on how words like "nobody" freaked the hell out of him or how he drempt similar nightmares.

Instead he grabbed Demyx and wrapped his arms around him and breathed silently, in and out, listening to their hearts beating in unison. Zexion knew he wasn't hallucinating at this point. He knew that he once didn't have a heart to do so with. He clutched Demyx tighter.

Demyx sobbed with his face buried in the cotton of Zexion's shirt, words that he'd never spoken echoing clearly, "_Aw, we do too have hearts_!"

VII.

Axel would never admit that he'd had them too. Those damn nightmares.

His were different from Roxas' but still the same. In his nightmares he was always chasing after something and always trying to find a clever way to get around schemes. He got the feeling that everyone forgot about him and no one even bothered to care he'd been forgotten. He remembered this odd, dark-haired girl, and the blank look in her eyes that reminded him of Roxas.

The redhead recognized these nightmares because he'd had a dozen when he was younger. But now clear details filtered into his consciousness. The first thing he noticed was that they both dreamed of the same clock tower. From the way Roxas described it Axel was positive it was the same. The second was that he always dreamed of Roxas. Only the Roxas in these dreams was not… him. His features were too bland, his outfit wrong.

Axel always meant to tell Roxas about this but could never find it in him to do so. Once he realized they shared similar nightmares he felt disillusioned. It was too surreal, like he was forcing Roxas to accept something.

The day Roxas finally burst and informed them about the nitty gritty details, something died inside of him. He wasn't sure what it exactly was but he was absolutely positive about what caused it.

The way Roxas described those nightmares, the voice he used, and the expression on his face. It was all too devastating for Axel to bear.

Not that Axel would ever admit it out loud, but when Roxas began having the nightmares and started visiting his bed at night, he was somewhat overjoyed. Back then he never connected their nightmares together as he now did. He simply knew that no two human beings could be as comfortable around each other, and that Roxas sleeping next to him felt right. Felt right in a way that he couldn't explain.

Not that he wanted to jump off the deep end and declare himself a "homo" as Demyx always referred to it as, but he was sure that there was no one else he would rather spend his time with than Roxas. He was also scarily certain he would never change his mind.

Axel felt this way since the day he'd slapped eyes on the kid.

Why was it that when he thought of Roxas' eyes, they were always miserable? Like a lost puppy or an empty doll. He'd seen Roxas happy and glowing and smiling hundreds of times but still the look of abandonment and betrayal stuck firm to Axels mind. He knew he'd never seen that particular expression, so why was it all he could think about?

After Roxas finally explained the nightmares, Axel came to appreciate just how profound an effect Roxas had on him.

Roxas could be cold and uptight and so withdrawn from other people. He didn't cooperate, and didn't make nice with other boys and girls.

But he never acted this way around Axel, which was what mattered. Axel knew that _he_was the person who Roxas talked about things with, _he_ was the one that Roxas needed to cling to, and_he_ was the one who Roxas would never leave.

So Axel never made a peep of discouragement when Roxas woke him up in the early mornings to climb into his bed. Axel never forced the answers out of Roxas because it was more than enough for him to simply have him there in the first place. He didn't know how he knew that, he just did.

Axel had a sneaking suspicion that both Demyx and Zexion were unnerved by Roxas' dreams, but he knew that both of them cared about Roxas just as much (well, maybe not quite as much) as Axel did.

For Axel, this kind of love was still rather different than romance. This was friendship love, protecting love. The kind of love you feel for your lifelong best friend, regardless if you only met him two years prior.

The next year would change that.

VIII.

A month after Roxas turned twenty, he received a letter from his father. The letter included a plane ticket and explained that Roxas needed to sign a few forms back home, so he ought to visit. It was formal, impersonal, and after reading the words Roxas felt numb.

He didn't want to go. He knew he didn't. He couldn't imagine facing his twin brother, or his friends who he abandoned so callously. He was selfish and had left knowing he couldn't return, and was too much of a coward to go back before now. But knew he didn't a choice at this point; he felt as if this letter was pulling him back home already.

The paper remained lifeless in his hands as he stared blankly out at the yard. It was dusk, and the lightning bugs were scattered across the lawn. He heard Demyx chatting with Zexion in the kitchen behind him.

Roxas leaned his head back against the coarse wood of the house. He was worried about going home for a different reason than he thought he would be. Only in the last months his nightmares finally receded. And that happened because Roxas pretty much gave up his initial hope that he would ever be able to sleep alone again.

A few months after Roxas was already sleeping in Axel's bed a good four nights a week anyway, Axel finally told the kid, "Why even bother?"

Unbeknownst to Demyx or Zexion, Roxas up and moved most of his stuff into Axel's room. It wasn't like dating or anything, Roxas firmly told himself. He just somehow knew that the nightmares wouldn't be as bad if he woke up next to Axel and didn't have to panic about finding him.

And between Axel and Roxas, that was that.

Roxas glanced down at the letter. If he were to leave Hollow Bastion, even for a week, how would he get any sleep?

Crumpling the document between his hands he frowned petulantly. He'd been perfectly fine for the eighteen years before he met Axel, so why the sudden shift? Yet Roxas knew and understood that it was anything but a sudden shift. It was absolutely a desperate yearning for comfort. The fear and helplessness of those dreams only alleviated when he could feel the pressure of Axel's arms wrapped around him, Axel's chin on his forehead, Roxas' fingers buried in his shirt. Roxas imagined this, breathing in the powerfully comforting musk that was only his best friend. Hearing their hearts beat in unison.

Since Roxas met Axel he was unable to the leave the man alone. The blond could scarcely imagine what his college experience would have been like if they hadn't met. He figured that he probably would have committed suicide by this point.

Footsteps echoed on the other end of the porch, forcing Roxas from his reverie.

"Hey," Axel called, waving. He plopped on the patio next to Roxas, swinging his feet in front of him.

Roxas sat forward and smiled in return, "Welcome back. How was work?"

"Ugh, Saïx was being such a bitch again today," Axel complained loudly. "He wouldn't let me burn the barium more than 2,700 degrees to get this radical color of green for the fireworks show! Kept saying something about fire restrictions on a property that size."

Roxas chuckled. Axel only recently received an internship at a fireworks company and he would have been more thrilled hadn't been forced to work with a guy named Saïx. Axel and Saïx would have gotten along well if it weren't for the fact that Saïx absolutely refused to let Axel experiment with new ingredients. (Axel asked, "Isn't that the point?" to which Saïx replied, "Not while I'm boss dumbass.")

"Still trying to work out that tree illusion?" Roxas queried, mildly amused.

"Dude, that's never going to happen. I've done so many combinations of ingredients at like a bazillion different temperatures." Axel said, raking his hands through the thick tresses of red hair. "I'm starting to freak out that Saïx will catch me if I do anymore."

There was a beat of silence.

"How was your day?" Axel finally asked, eyes sliding over to meet Roxas.

Roxas sighed and unwrinkled the letter in his palm, passing it over to Axel. He waited as Axel read its contents, watching the green eyes narrow aggressively. Axel crinkled his nose with displeasure.

"They want you to go back after… what, two years? Wasn't the last time you saw your dad the day he dropped you off?"

"Yeah, I thought he forgot about me. Guess not."

"What sort of crap does he mean by signing documents?"

"Well, my father is fairly wealthy, which is why we were able to live on the Destiny Islands and all. I'm sure it has something to do with foregoing my inheritance."

Axel gave Roxas a deadpanned look, "Milk that fucker for all he's got, Roxy. Then we can take that trip to Colorado to go mountain climbing."

An unconscious smile found its way across his face, the comment making blue eyes sparkle.

"That would be amazing; just you and me in the wilderness."

Axel let his chin drop into his palms, "So what are you going to do?"

"Go back home I guess, for a couple weeks. My summer classes don't start till July anyway…" Roxas mentioned quietly while staring down at his shoes.

Axel glanced over at Roxas, both of his eyebrows creased together. Sighing, he fished out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. After taking a moment to puff, "What am I supposed to do while you're gone?"

Roxas smiled again, finding Axel's pout endearing.

"We've been apart before, dipshit." Roxas replied.

Axel scoffed, "For like a fucking week. Worst week ever, if you ask me. Plus, what about your twin or whatever the fuck his name was?"

"Sora?"

"Yeah, thought you said shit got bad. That nobody wanted you to come back home."

"…" The smile slid off his face. "I was telling the truth. They won't want to see me."

"I should go with you then," Axel concluded. Roxas looked up at him and watched him take another deep drag off his cigarette.

"Axel, you know that's impossible. You love your internship, and besides, Destiny Islands is boring as hell. You wouldn't have a good time at all."

Axel rolled his eyes and reached down between them to grasp at his slender hand.

"But I can't stand the thought of leaving you alone with people like that." He murmured, squeezing the hand tight.

"People like what?"

"People who don't appreciate you."

Roxas grinned and it was the most familiar evince in the world to Axel. It was the smile Axel knew was reserved for him and him alone. He never saw this expression on the boy's face for any other person, and Axel possessively wanted to keep it that way.

"Don't worry Axel, it's a few weeks. How horrible could it possibly be?"

IX.

Horrible was actually an understatement.

Roxas received stony silence from almost everyone upon returning home. His brother glared, which was such an unusual expression on Sora's face that Roxas merely watched silently, transfixed. Sora refused to stand in the same room as Roxas for more than a few minutes. The blow hurt more than Roxas thought it should, but it was his twin after all. His own brother.

The maids and servants in the house were given specific instructions to not interact with him. That suited Roxas just fine; he didn't need the help. He never wanted it back when he was a kid either.

Seifer tried to punch Roxas in the face when he'd gone to buy cigarettes, but a local neighbor was also in the gas station and stopped Seifer with a firm glare. Seifer murmured something threatening, and Roxas got the message quickly. He knew that he shouldn't wander around the Island anymore, that it would be potentially dangerous for him.

He didn't spot his old friends Hayner, Pence, or Olette since he returned. He hoped he wouldn't have to. He didn't know if he would be able to stand the hate in their eyes, so similar to what he'd witnessed in Sora's.

Roxas was right on another respect; the night he got back his father straight out told him that Sora would be inheriting the family fortune, business, fame. His father explained that he would continue to pay for Roxas' college education, but as soon as he graduated he would not be welcome back and would not receive another penny. His father promptly informed him that his old bedroom was being renovated and they'd thrown all his old _trash_ away. If he hadn't needed it at school he certainly didn't need it now.

Roxas sat silently, nodding his head slowly listening to the words from the man who raised him.

He couldn't fathom the look in his father's eyes as he disowned his son. It was a look of revulsion, of pure hatred. What caused this? All Roxas had done was leave the islands to go away to school. One would have thought he'd murdered someone. He left in a bleary daze, returning to his old bedroom. Back in high school his bedroom was his haven. Only Sora had been allowed inside the room, no matter how much begging and pleading his other friends followed with.

The view from his patio was beautiful; it faced the smaller island that Sora and his groupies used to play at constantly. The ocean was about twenty meters from the house, and the gulls were swooping low in the humid heat. A boat was tied to the dock; it was swaying in the calm waves.

Roxas didn't speak a single word during the first five days. It wasn't his best personal record of course; once upon a time when he was sixteen he hadn't spoken for almost two months. Only when Sora finally noticed his silence and questioned him about it had he been able to formulate words.

Roxas kept checking his cell phone, hoping for a missed call or text from Axel. But he knew entertaining such hopes was foolish, cell service was completely different on the mainland, and his phone showed no reception.

He was lonely but this loneliness felt different than the stuff inspired by his nightmares. This loneliness told him that no one on this island loved him.

Roxas was able to get some sleep, but it was only during the day. The nights on the islands became long and never-ending.

He idled the time by drawing in his sketchbook. There were pictures of his house and school back in Hollow Bastion, pictures of his room here on the Islands, with the dramatic mountains encasing the background. When he got sick of drawing scenery, he drew pictures of the people who he now was able to call his friends, the ones who loved him unconditionally.

He drew Zexion reading silently on his favorite sofa in the University library. If what he was reading was interesting he pursed and bite on his lip. His expression illustrated rapt attention, despite Demyx blowing hot air on the back of his ears behind the sofa.

Demyx was always playing the sitar in his drawings, or sitting close to Zexion. He played in the rain with nothing but his jeans on, or jammed next to the lake when it was freezing out, or poked Axel in the face with his instrument.

Axel he drew the most. He drew Axel asleep, with pillows smushed between his face and the bed. He drew his smile, comforting and nostalgic and cocky. He drew Axel crouched over, staring deeply into a fire.

And during the nighttime, he put Axel in a black cloak. He wasn't sure why he did that – the boy didn't own one – but it just felt right. He added fire around Axel, and a clock tower floating in the background.

Roxas grabbed his sketchbook off the dresser and flipped it open to the last drawing. It was the only picture of himself he created all summer. Four best friends in silly togas, Demyx with a cigar cocked between his lips and Zexion obviously trying to sneak away. Axel wore his cynical smirk, and Roxas… His own expression was one of rapt joy.

Like he was so happy to be included in something for once, and was a little astonished that they allowed him to do so in the first place.

A knock on the door cut Roxas from his reverie. He blinked, unsure if he heard correctly.

"…Roxas?" It was Sora's voice.

Roxas opened the door. His twin stood on the other side, looking nervous. He was fiddling with his fingers anxiously.

"Can we talk?" Sora tentatively asked.

Roxas moved out of the way and ushered Sora into his room silently. Sora glanced past him, a look of confusion on his face.

"Where did all your stuff go? This room looks so empty."

"Dad threw it out." His voice felt raw from disuse.

Sora twisted around, astonished. "He threw your stuff away?"

Roxas sighed and sat down on his bed. It was the only furniture left in the room. Sora was staring at him in a strange way.

"Look Roxas, I'm sorry I've been so cold since you got back, but honestly you didn't even bother to try to keep in contact for the last two years." Sora informed him, crossing his arms. He sounded bitter and looked more like Riku, his best friend, than himself for a moment.

Roxas glared over at his brother, "Why should I have contacted you, Sora? What were the words you said before I left? '_Never come back_?'"

Sora rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you know I was just mad at you. I didn't mean it."

Roxas looked away. No, he knew, Sora always meant what he said.

"What do you want?"

"Jeeze, to talk to you I guess. You look so different from when you left. You look like you haven't slept in a month! I was worried! Why did you even come back if you didn't want to?"

"I came back to sign the disinheritance forms."

"Disinheritance?"

"Dad is disowning me."

"…" Sora was speechless. He stepped forward, and when Roxas looked up at his twin he felt a little bit better. Sora was giving him the same look he'd worn a million times when they were kids. Sora was always blatantly favored by their father, especially after their mother died, and he would often get upset, thinking that Roxas was being treated unfairly.

"I didn't know," Sora said softly. Roxas shrugged.

"I knew when I left this would never be my home again."

Sora stared at him for a long beat. "Have you been alone? Is that why you look like that? You know that you could move back here, right? I would talk to dad, I'm sure he'd be okay with it."

Roxas shook his head, "I'm happier than I've ever been in Hollow Bastion. I have amazing friends there. It's being back here that's screwing with my sleep schedule." This wasn't a complete lie; since Axel wasn't there he had certainly been sleeping less.

Sora nodded as he sat down beside his twin.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. I knew that you were unhappy here, I just didn't know why."

"I know. I didn't either. I just didn't… feel alive here."

Sora paused. "When are you going back?"

"First flight tomorrow. I was planning on staying longer, because I took off work and my summer class hasn't started yet… but I think I would rather go home."

Sora's eyes slid over to the blond. "Can I get your address?"

"Why?"

"So that I can contact you, Roxas. We are twins." Sora sounded petulant. Roxas forced himself to stare into Sora's eyes so he could see if the brunette was being honest. There were none of the cold feelings left in that gaze, and Roxas felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. It didn't matter if his father didn't consider him a son, or if his old friends from the Islands hated him now. At least his twin still cared about him.

Roxas smiled. It was the first time Sora witnessed that smile in years. Sora felt a pang of helpless guilt.

"Of course, Sora. You're welcome in Hollow Bastion whenever."


	3. Stage III

X.

When Roxas arrived home his three roommates all took off work so they could welcome him. After only a week Roxas felt that was a little unnecessary, but he appreciated the action nonetheless.

The group sat out on the front porch and made silly ideas for what they considered to be good drinking games. They went to the observation tower on the edge of town before dawn to drank beer and watched the sun rise.

It was the same as the last summer; they all felt like this was how things were supposed to be, with no pretenses and nothing hidden.

Since Roxas got back, Axel stuck to him like glue and tried to pry what happened on the Islands whenever they chanced to be alone. They were far too busy drinking for Axel to get a straight answer.

The next day when Axel and Roxas climbed in bed together (well, it was eight in the morning and they needed to sleep at some point) Axel immediately started the interrogation again.

"Roxas, was it really so bad? You look so pale." Axel asked, brushing long fingers into blond hair.

Roxas sighed at the action, and let Axel cup his cheek.

"Seriously, Axel, I'm just tired. I'm not really awesome with airplanes quite yet. They make me nauseous."

"So, what happened?" Axel pressed.

"… Well, my twin and I are cool again I think."

"You think?"

"We talked. He asked for my address."

"Oh." Axel rolled onto his back and let out a puff of air.

"Well," the redhead continued after a moment, "I'm glad nothing bad happened."

"I didn't say that."

Axel's eyes slid over to meet his. It was weird because normally when they were in bed together, about to go to sleep, it was nighttime. Every feature on Axel's face was completely clear to Roxas. It made him feel nervous.

"My dad disowned me, I nearly got beat up, and no one spoke to me for five days solid." Roxas groaned with his hands over his face, quickly letting it out.

Axel scowled, "I fucking knew it. I should have gone with you."

Roxas' fingers dropped and he smiled slightly, reaching his arm over to wrap it around Axel's torso. He buried his nose in the soft material of the redhead's shirt. Axel was warm and smelled like cinnamon. Roxas let his eyes close in relaxation, every inch of his body at peace.

"You're here now." Roxas murmured quietly. Axel's hand came up and curled around his, their fingers twining together.

"I always will be, dumbass."

Roxas felt better than he had in weeks.

XI.

Summer came and went in the blink of an eye. They boys never got to take the vacation that they planned, but they did have some fun during the school-free weeks.

Classes resumed and Roxas declared himself as a communications major. This subsequently became the brunt of every joke in their house for about a week. Since Roxas, the most anti-social person that they group ever met, was now in charge of_communicating efficiently_with others.

Roxas smirked a very Axel-like smirk while stating, "You learn how to verbally abuse people in a way that doesn't sound like you're actually yelling at them."

Demyx and Roxas suddenly had half of their classes together, and Zexion started working at the schools newspaper as an opinions editor. Axel picked up extra money selling coffee at the locally owned café.

The nightmares were gone for the most part, and Roxas now slept soundly.

Around Christmas that year Demyx discovered Roxas practically living in Axel's room. Demyx promptly decided to never mention he knew this minor detail to either of them for fear of his life.

However, Demyx was secretly pleased when he found out. Joking aside, he wasn't blind. He knew Roxas and Axel a lot better than most people, and he realized that there was something about them that made you feel like they were soul mates. It was similar to how Demyx felt about Zexion, though Demyx was positive the feeling was not mutual. Demyx was certain Zexion would never love him like Axel loved Roxas.

Demyx told Zexion what he discovered of course, but the bookworm simply patted Demyx on the head and mentioned it was none of his business.

Another change of seasons came and went.

During spring of that year the group decided to move to a house that was further away from school with a view of the river. It only had three bedrooms, but was newer than their other place. Roxas finally verbally admitted that yes, he slept in Axel's room every night, and no, they weren't humping. It just helped him sleep. The new house sported a bigger back yard too, which meant that they could set up beer pong and tippy cup tables.

Roxas began to hang out with several girls from his new classes, and Axel was surprisingly okay with that. Roxas thought (hoped) Axel might get a little jealous, and was shocked to learn that Axel got along very well with this girl they knew named Xion.

Roxas teased that Axel should start dating her since he was so desperate to get laid, but Axel merely tackled him down into the couch as an answer and started tickling the living daylights out of him. Roxas, face streaming tears, was forced to take the comment back.

Xion became a regular guest at their house, and knew plenty of students around campus. Demyx was the one to suggest throwing parties to make some extra money so they could finally take a vacation together. If they sold drinks for five bucks a pop, it was surprisingly easy to make the money back. Xion invited the people, who had to be at least 20, and the parties were pretty successful.

The parties of his junior year ended up being some of the most defining memories of college for Roxas. Not because of the drinking, just because they were together wreaking havoc around school. They would have random scavenger hunts, and skinny dip in the river, and throw themed nights just so they could dress up.

Axel and Roxas lived and breathed each other at this point; no matter where they were found it wasn't far from the other. It was an unspoken fact that their friends (mostly the girls amongst them) squealed about when they weren't around.

Xion once asked Axel if the pair was dating. It was one of the first times he'd hung out with the girl, and they were sitting at a bar since he'd turned 21 before everyone else in the house. She point blank asked him. Axel always appreciated upfront honesty.

"Your dating him, aren't you?"

Xion looked him directly in the face. Axel's eyebrows shot up on his forehead as he tried to not spew his drink out.

"Why do you say that?"

"Are you fucking serious?" She deadpanned. "You two are glued together."

"… and what if I said we weren't?"

"Then I would wonder why one of you haven't confessed to the other yet."

Axel shifted his hand through his hair, sighing, "Xion, Roxy-babe and I are just best friends. We don't have… romantic feelings for one another."

"Then why the hell do you sleep in the same bed? Why do you call him _Roxy-Babe_?" She queried innocently.

Axel turned his glare to her, "How do you know about that?"

Axel knew that Roxas would never tell Xion about sleeping in the same bed. Not that Roxas was ashamed of it (maybe a little embarrassed at most) but because he knew that Roxas was a private individual.

"Dem told me," She promptly informed him.

"Goddamn him, none of his business gossiping about us. Well, Roxy has nightmares and he sleeps better next to me."

"Nightmares?" Xion asked, looking thoughtfully down at her hands.

"Some weird shit. They happened all the time for a while, but they've died down in the last year."

"Is it about a clock tower?"

Axel was floored again. He nearly spat his drink out a second time. His gaze flew over to her face. They stared into each other eyes. Axel, for his part, was disarmed at that gaze. Another reason he approved of Xion so much how she had the same color eyes as Roxas.

"How…" He attempted to articulate.

"I have them too. You've been in my dreams before, and so have Roxas, Zexion, and Demyx."

Axel grew quiet. His gaze was far away.

"You have them too, don't you Axel. Dreams about a world that never was." Xion prompted.

"… That's fucking crazy. No way. We don't share dreams, c'mon Xion, that's messed up."

Xion took a big gulp of her beer and appeared sheepish, "Haha, yeah, I guess you are right."

But when she glanced over at Axel again, she knew that he was lying. His face was pale, his lips pursed tightly. She saw it in his eyes, the fear, and knew that he also had the dreams.

"Axel, do you love Roxas?"

Axel gave her an incredulous look, "Of course, he's my best friend."

Xion glared up at him and he grinned nervously in response. Axel finally sighed, letting the grin drop from his face. Axel appeared weary as he took a quick drink of his beer.

"…And what would you say if I did? I mean, hypothetically love Roxas. As a lover type."

"I would tell you that he feels the same about you. I mean hell, you only have to be in the same room to tell."

Axel downed the rest of his beer before quipping, "What do you mean?"

"That kid adores you Axel. Worships the ground you walk on."

Axel scoffed but was visually pleased, "It's not that hardcore."

Xion was staring at her hands, "That's only because you haven't remembered much yet."

Axel peered down at her and was going to ask what she meant, but she hopped off her barstool. After slapping a twenty on the bar, more than enough to cover their drinks, she smirked up at Axel.

"Let's hang out sometimes soon, okay?"

Axel could only nod in reply, his throat oddly tight.

XII.

The dreams, nightmares, memories, whatever the hell they were began to hit Axel intensely during that spring. He could still sleep sometimes, but he woke up in a cold sweat almost twice every night. The dreams were more vivid than he ever thought they could be, and he was beginning to remember events that he knew he'd never experienced. He started to remember people he never met before. And he began to realize that Xion was right. She was in his dreams constantly, Dem and Zex too. But not with the frequency that Roxas was.

Whenever he dreamed of Roxas he felt like the air was being choked out of him. He would be chasing the boy desperately, as if his life depended on it. He could never save Roxas, though, and when he awoke he was always crying.

He refused to wake Roxas when this happened, he didn't want to freak the kid out. Most of the time, Axel himself could barely remember what happened when he woke up, so he would swipe the tears off his face and try to calm down before going back to sleep.

But Roxas knew; he was a light sleeper. He heard the moans, the pain, and several times when Axel woke up he reached over and grabbed Roxas' shoulders, shaking him.

"_Do you remember me_?" He demanded in a harsh whisper, desperate.

Roxas said name over and over as Axel sunk his face into Roxas' neck. Roxas could feel hot tears slide down his skin and he would reach up and stroke Axel's hair.

"I could never forget you," He always murmured quietly.

After Axel fell back asleep, Roxas was always be wide-awake. He would continue to stroke the spiky red hair, and would listen to the sound of Axel's heartbeat.

Why did it hurt so badly when Axel asked if he could remember him?

The answer eluded Roxas until a surprise visit came during the first week of summer break before his senior year.

XIII.

Demyx was the only one in the house when the doorbell rang. He was working on his marine biology homework, and thinking it was his lab partner he quickly went to answer it.

"Co~ming," He called out cheerfully, flinging the door open.

A boy Demyx had never seen before was standing on the porch, looking startled (this was probably because the door nearly smacked him across the face).

"Um, does Roxas live here?" The boy asked.

Demyx blinked, "Yeah, he's in class till three thirty though."

"Oh,"

"Yeah, who are you again?" Demyx finally replied after a few beats of silence.

"My name is Sora, I'm Roxas' twin." Sora spoke hesitantly, as if forcing the words out.

"Twin!" Demyx gasped, doing the mental check. Same height, same weight, same eyes… different hair though.

"I didn't even know Roxy had a twin," Demyx explained when Sora appeared confused.

"Oh… He probably doesn't talk about home much."

"Um, no dude not really." Demyx replied. "Wanna come in? Wait till he's out of class?"

"Sure," Sora nodded.

Demyx opened the door again and motioned for him to follow. Sora gulped nervously as he entered the house.

The place was huge, with mismatched sofas and a plasma TV. There were posters and photos scattered across the walls, and textbooks lying on the coffee table. Demyx led him into the kitchen and told him to sit. Demyx watched as Sora gazed at the photos on the wall next to the table.

"Haha, those are some good memories," He said, pointing at the pictures.

"This one," Demyx motioned to a picture of four people in rafts, "Was when we went rafting for almost eight hours! We were so burnt and so drunk we needed to call a friend to drive us home."

"Oh," Sora replied looking lost.

Demyx paused, feeling kind of awkward, "My name is Demyx, by the way."

"I've been your brother's roommate for like two years. Roxy is pretty awesome, he recently went on this kick of what he considers to be communicating, but it's actually just him almost kick-flipping his skateboard into people's faces." Demyx grinned.

"He must have changed a lot then." Sora said shortly.

"You guys aren't close?"

"We've barely spoken for three years."

"Why? Roxas never talked about his home, but none of us do."

"…When Roxas chose a school far away a lot of us were mad. We thought he was abandoning us. He didn't try to contact us either, so don't think it was just me." Sora said sharply, looking upset.

"Whoa," Demyx held his hands up defensively, "Sorry little dude. Didn't mean to strike a chord."

"I'm home!" Zexion's voice floated in from the doorway.

"Hey Zex, Roxas's bro is here!" Demyx called out, his voice a pitch higher than normal.

Zexion came floating into the kitchen, setting his backpack on the floor. He looked over at Sora in surprise.

"I didn't know Roxas has a brother." Zexion spoke gently, sizing Sora up.

"I'm his twin." Sora replied softly, obviously disheartened.

Zexion notices this, and glanced up at Demyx who flashed a guilty smile. Zexion nodded and sat at the table on the opposite side of Sora.

"I wouldn't take it personally." Zexion told Sora.

Sora looked at him warily.

"Roxas is a private person. None of us talk about our home life much." Zexion informed him.

"Yeah, I know he is." Sora replied, crossing his arms over the table and laying his chin on them. "I dunno, I guess I would have thought Roxas talked about me at least a little."

"My name is Zexion." Zexion then said, getting back up to his feet. "I'm also your twin's roommate." Zexion emphasized the word twin.

Demyx watched, amazed. Zexion used to be awful at people skills, but he just single-handily calmed down Sora with a few words. Sora was still little upset, but not as distraught. A swell of pride welled up in Demyx's chest. He felt like, at least a little, he was the reason Zexion was so good with people now.

"Roxas should be on his way back. Should I text him and tell him you're waiting?" Zexion asked.

"No, that's okay." Sora replied firmly. He didn't have to wait long though, because a few moments later they heard the front door open.

"Hey Roxy, C'min here!" Demyx shouted.

Roxas promptly walked into the kitchen but his eyes were glued on the cell phone in his hands.

"Hey guys," He said, punching keys on the device, "Xion texted me to say that she wants to bring some of those rugby seniors over. Something about how this hot brunette needs to bone her in his leather pants."

He finally looked up, and it only took him a moment to notice Sora. He nearly dropped his phone. Sora raised his hand awkwardly.

"Hey," He called.

"Sora. What are you doing here? Does dad know you're here?"

"Um, I came to visit, I guess. We haven't really gotten to talk much since you came back to school. And dad knows I'm here." Sora quickly added.

"HEY! You forgot to grab the fucking beer from the porch Roxas!" Axel yelled, walking into the kitchen, dropping the beer on the floor next the doorway.

Sora stared openly at Axel, his mouth dropping.

"Sorry…" Roxas said while glancing back at Axel. The look on Axel's face made his breath hitch.

Axel turned white as a sheet. He was staring at Sora with an unreadable expression, but his eyes were intense with emotion. He slowly walked forward, his face close to Sora's. Sora looked confused, and Demyx watched them nervously.

Suddenly, Axel yelped and withdrew, clutching his head in aggression. He quickly dropped to his knees; Roxas beside him in seconds.

"Axel!" Roxas was panicking.

Axel held his head and gritted his teeth through a grunt of pain.

"He was fine earlier!" Roxas insisted, grabbing the redhead by the shoulders.

"Hold on Sora," He added quickly, not sparing a glance, "I'm gonna take Axel upstairs."

Roxas helped Axel loop his arm around his neck and lift him up. Axel was refusing to look at Sora.

Sora watched as they left the room together, thoroughly confused.

Sora distinctly wondered why he knew that face, those eyes, that hair.

He'd never seen him before.

XIV.

Axel collapsed on the bed the moment they reached his bedroom. His head was pounding acutely, spikes of pain jolting his brain. Roxas ran around fretfully, pulling the curtains shut and helping Axel take off his shoes.

"Are you okay?" Roxas whispered, gently letting his hand sift through Axel's hair. Axel jerked his head away, Roxas immediately withdrawing his hand.

"Just my head." Axel grit out roughly.

"You were fine earlier, I wonder what happened." Roxas mumbled, "I could go get you some painkillers."

"No, I'm fine." Axel began sitting up. His eyes were distant and he wasn't looking at Roxas, but rather staring at the wall behind him. His whole body trembled and he was breathing unsteadily.

"Bullshit, you don't look fine." Roxas retorted, motioning to help pull a blanket around the redhead. Axel shirked away from the proffered touch as if it burned him. He leaned away from Roxas anxiously.

"Rox, seriously, I'm fucking fine!" Axel finally yelled, louder than he intended. Roxas bit his lip and looked even more worried, but nodded and quietly got up to leave the room.

It took all of two seconds for Axel to feel like an asshole.

"Roxas," Axel called weakly, standing up. Roxas stopped dead in his tracks and turned around slightly. He finally met the smaller boy's eyes again. Roxas was confused.

Roxas didn't know why, but Axel looked like he was about to cry. Despite his head jolting every few moments Axel still took a few steps closer to the door. After a moment, he pulled Roxas against his body and hugged him tightly.

Axel buried his face in Roxas' hair and breathed deeply to steady himself. Roxas slowly reached up and wrapped his arms around Axel's torso, linking his fingers together.

"What's up?" He murmured against the material of Axel's shirt.

Axel let go more quickly than he normal.

"I'm gonna nap. Why don't you show your brother around town? You can borrow my Vespa." Axel pulled out his keys.

Roxas quickly took the keys.

"Okay, yeah. Will…" Roxas hesitated, "You be alright?"

Axel nodded back, tightly. "Just need some sleep."

"Call me if you need me." Roxas said earnestly.

When Roxas turned back to the door, a spike of panic ran through Axel, and he shot his arm to grab Roxas again. Axel felt overwhelmed, petrified, he felt like Roxas was leaving him forever. Memories flashed across Axel's mind.

A desperate last resort.

"_You can't just leave the Organization, they'll destroy you!"_

A stony response.

"_No one would miss me."_

The empty dread.

_"That's not true…. I would."_

Axel leaned down and desperately pressed his lips against Roxas's forehead, his fingers clutching the boys' hair so hard it hurt. Axel squeezed his eyes shut, his heart felt like it was going to explode.

Roxas reached up and stroked Axel's face in return, running slim fingers against bold features. Roxas was repeating comforting sentiments that Axel wasn't listening to.

Axel finally let go.

Roxas left a moment later, and Axel could hear him off in the distance talking to his brother. As soon as he heard the front door close and the voices vanish, tears began to roll down Axel's face.

Axel paced nervously around his room; he couldn't stop crying even if he tried. He needed to talk to someone, but felt like if he did it would make what he'd just seen **real**. Because the moment he saw those identical blue eyes, that sandy brown hair, the moment he met _Sora_, everything crashed back into view.

The dreams suddenly made sense in a dizzying sequence. He could remember the names of places he'd never been; Castle Oblivion, Port Royal, Halloween Town, Agrabah, The World that Never Was…

And he finally knew what Xion tried to tell him. Because suddenly he knew just why Roxas was scared of his dreams, and why they hurt so badly, and how horribly realistic their non-lives were.

Axel fished his cell out of his pocket and quickly flipped it open, dialing Xion's number automatically. She answered after the second ring.

Axel couldn't keep the shame, the tears, or the harsh pain out of his voice.

"I remember now." He told her, "I let Roxas run away, I let _him_ take Roxas away to forget us. Back in that place that never was."

XV.

For Roxas, it was strange showing Sora around his city. Hollow Bastion was no hick town; it was at least ten times larger than the biggest metropolis on Destiny Islands. With Axel's moped he drove Sora to the cultural museum, some unique shops in town, the skate park, and around the campus of his University.

Roxas explained certain things to Sora about the history of his community, but his heart really wasn't in it. He wasn't able to focus at all. Roxas couldn't shake the feeling of unease that he now possessed; Axel's reaction to Sora whirling around his head. The way he'd looked at Sora…

"Rox?" Sora called out, breaking him from his reverie, "You've been kinda spacey all day."

"Sorry, Sora. I'm just worried about Axel."

"How do you know that guy? I feel like I've met him before, a long time ago." Sora asked, curious.

Roxas snapped his eyes to his twin, feeling oddly defensive, "You've never met him before. Why do you say that?"

"Dunno really, just a feeling." Sora shrugged.

"Axel was my roommate freshman year. We've been pretty close since I got here."

Sora nodded, "Well, if you're worried why don't we head back? I plan to stay here for at least a week. Um, if that's okay."

Roxas smiled slightly, "You're welcome here, Sora. We have plenty of space and our couch is a pull-out."

After heading straight home Roxas was surprised to find Axel locked their bedroom door. Not in the time that Roxas had known him had he ever locked the door, even back when they didn't sleep together every night. Roxas knocked on the door for almost a minute but there was only silence.

Roxas wondered why he would lock the door if he left the house. Was he still in there, then? Locked in their room alone? This thought made him nauseous.

Roxas went back down to the kitchen. Demyx started cooking dinner, (he was the most hospitable of the group and the best cook) with Sora's help.

Despite the initial discomfort, Sora and Demyx got along well enough. Sora thought Dem was a little… weird, but he was also very pleasant. Dem thought Sora was a little touchy, but friendly enough.

While Dem and Sora cooked dinner and chatted amiably, Roxas tried texting Axel. No response.

Zexion came back just in time for the four to eat. The food was delicious, but Roxas hardly paid any attention to the chatter.

The way Axel desperately kissed his forehead, the deeply helpless look in his piercing eyes. It ate him up inside.

Zexion suggested they watch a movie, but Roxas couldn't sit still. He went back up to their room and knocked again, but received no answer.

This time he tried to call Axel. He was surprised when Xion answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Xion?"

"Hey Roxas."

"Why are you on Axel's phone?"

"Um," Roxas heard whispering on the other end of the phone followed by a pause, "That's a long story actually."

"Axel locked the door so I can't get into our room. I need to get my laptop out to check my schedule for work." This was partially a lie, his laptop was in his backpack next to him, but Roxas hoped it might get Axel on the phone.

"Where are you guys?"

"I can't really say," Xion sighed. Roxas felt a spark of anger.

"What the hell is going on? Put Axel on the phone!" He demanded.

"Sorry, Rox. I don't think he wants to talk to you right now." Xion stated sadly.

"Why?" Roxas yelped, sounded alarmed. "I haven't done anything."

"I know you haven't," Xion replied, "He just needs some time is all."

"Some time for what?" Roxas again demanded, more harshly. Roxas didn't even notice that his twin and roommates were staring at him.

"To think about a few things, I suppose." She told him.

Roxas took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Axel never refused to speak to Roxas. It was some foreign idea that never occurred to him. Roxas was scared that he'd done something wrong, or hurt Axel's feelings. But he was also worried, and alarmed at Xion's uncharacteristic behavior.

When he responded his voice was hurt, "Well, I guess that's all then."

And he hung up.


	4. Stage IV

XVI.

Xion sighed while she flipped Axel's phone shut. She was sitting on the upstairs, looking around Roxas and Axel's room.

Soon after Axel called Xion, he freaked out in a major way. Axel started tearing downs posters, pictures, anything he could find. He emptied the closet and stuff was scattered everywhere. He also, in a fit of rage, grabbed the acoustic guitar that he'd gotten freshman year as a present and cracked it as hard into the wall as he could. He kicked their mirror until it shattered.

A sizable hole in the wall with scratch marks leading to it was the result. By the time Xion arrived at his room, it was already thoroughly trashed. Both of his knuckles were bloody from punching the wall. Xion pursed her lips and lead him to the bathroom so she could disinfect the wounds.

Axel was currently curled into a little ball on his bed, looking more vulnerable than Xion ever thought she would see him. In this life and the next. His eyes were puffy, red, and his face blotchy and sallow.

"Roxas sounded freaked out. You can't avoid him forever."

"I just locked our fucking room. And it was only for a couple fucking hours. He isn't my keeper. It shouldn't matter where I am." His tone was venomous.

"Are you mad at Roxas?"

Axel flung upright, and for a moment Xion saw the spark of lifelessness that she once associated with Axel in their previous life. She saw the look of aggression, anger, and fear light up his whole body. For a second she almost thought he would call his weapons to him, that flames would be licking their feet.

"I left him Xion! I LEFT _HIM_. Roxas. The person who I loved more than anything even back when I had no heart to love with!" Axel was enraged at himself. Xion knew there was no calming him down.

"I let him leave, let him fade away to nothing, let him rejoin Sora. Not just that, I murdered Zexion, Xion. Do you remember that part? Sora killed Demyx, too! Right now they are sitting downstairs watching a fucking movie together!"

Xion glanced away from the sight of Axel breaking before her. She now knew why he wasn't able talk to Roxas. Axel was an absolute mess right now from the memories that he shouldn't have inherited. There was no way he could hide this from Roxas and he obviously didn't want Roxas to remember in the first place.

"Axel, you need to tell him you have the dreams too."

"Are you fucking stupid Xion?" Axel slammed back.

Xion narrowed her eyes, "Not as much as you I'm sure! Listen to yourself! The stupid shit you're spewing! Are you really remembering properly? Axel- you did everything in your power to try and save Roxas. Everything you did in that world was for his sake. You wanted to save him from the pain he was feeling. You used to tell me all the time, how he made you_feel _when you knew you shouldn't. How we were all best friends, but it was you and Roxas together first."

Axel watched her carefully.

"Axel, we all did what we had to because it was our orders. You were ordered to kill Zexion, Demyx was ordered to go on that suicide mission against Sora. Xemnas knew it back then; he knew it better than any of us. He knew that I was created as a replica of a replica, that only one of us was needed. Why do you think he toyed around the way he did, trying to make you choose between us? And Ansem only wanted Sora whole again. Everyone was using the poor kid for ulterior motives, _except_ us."

"How do you know about that stuff?" Axel demanded, "You weren't even around by that point."

"Zexion and I discussed it."

Axel shot up again, "What!"

"It's been almost two months since Zexion came to me and asked me if I knew about that place. Which was one of the reasons I initially asked you about it. He said that he was sure Dem had them too. We all do."

Axel stared at his hands, "How am I supposed to face him? Tell him that all those nightmares that made his life a living hell were a reality?"

Xion slowly stood before bending over to pick things off the floor and get the place cleaned up.

"I know you can find the words, Axel. Trust me- it won't take many."

XVII.

Roxas fell asleep in weary discomfort next to his twin on the pull-out sofa. He went to sleep worried and when he jolted awake the remnants of his nightmares were crystal clear. The clock tower, a strange set of computer monitors, a mansion on the outskirts of a town.

Roxas got to his feet swiftly, padding silently to the kitchen. He quickly pulled out his ice-cold water bottle and after a few gulps closed the fridge. Then he remained standstill to stare blankly around him.

He wondered if Axel was awake. He decided to check.

Easily taking the stairs despite the darkness, he reached their shared room. Light from under the crack informed Roxas he must still be awake, but the door was closed. Roxas sighed. He hoped it wasn't locked.

Checking the handle swiftly, he was pleased when the door clicked open. Axel sat on the windowsill smoking a cigarette. He looked exhausted.

Roxas blinked in surprise when he noticed three gaping holes in the wall. Broken parts of Axel's acoustic were lying on the floor. Shards of glass next to what used to be the mirror. Clothes poorly folded on the dresser. This was not how he left the room that afternoon.

"What happened?" Roxas blurted.

He watched Axel motion for him to sit on the other side of the sill. Roxas did as he was told.

It was only after he sat that he spotted the state of Axel's hands. Yelping, he shot forward and grabbed them gently, staring at the injured appendages intensely before snapping his face up incredulously. Axel turned away, his eyes refusing to meet.

"Axel, what the fuck is going on? You're starting to scare me."

"I'm started to scare myself." Axel admitted.

After several long moments Axel turned his head to lock his eyes on Roxas.

"I have something I need to tell you, but I don't want to."

Roxas gulped, that sounded very ominous indeed. Roxas nodded silently.

"…" Axel let his gaze drop to his lap.

"I've met your twin before today." Axel told him, not sure where to start.

"Sora? When?"

"Roxas, this is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out okay? I know your twin because I once… kinda died for him. So that I could save you."

"Axel what the fuck are you on about?" Roxas glared sharply. That sounded like the biggest load of shit he ever heard. Axel would normally never make up such stupid lies.

"I'm telling the truth. I think you know too, it just scares you."

"Axel, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The World that Never Was." Axel responded grimly.

Roxas felt his eyes widen as a wave of familiar emotions ran through him. A giant white castle floating above a dank dark city. The smell of burned parchment in a large library. An empty bedroom with a number plate outside. The feeling of intense dislike as he stared at….

"I don't know what you mean." Roxas' tone was firm.

"Kingdom Hearts. I'm talking about the cloaked nobodies who fought for it."

"I've never told you about that." Roxas was certain. He didn't share many details of his dreams, he never would. Too many of them were unpleasant to say aloud.

"I know you haven't. Kingdom Hearts is in my dreams too. And Zexion's, and Xion's. Probably Demyx too."

Roxas was stunned. "Are you saying that we have the same dreams?"

"No, I'm saying that we promised to meet each other in the next life. And we did."

_"Let's meet again in the next life-"_

_"Yeah, I'll be waiting."_

Roxas glanced out the window before leaning over to snatch Axel's pack of cigarettes. He tried to act calm lighting it, but was visually trembling. He took a deep drag, trying to sort through his thoughts.

Did that mean all those horrible things in his nightmares were once… real? The brainwashing, the empty world, the missions, the keyblade.

Watching Axel die.

"Roxas, please say something." Axel pleaded fearfully.

"How much do you remember?" Roxas demanded after a moment. His hand clenched around the cigarette, he couldn't imagine being as anxious for an answer like he was right now.

"Everything since I saw your twin today. When I saw him, all of it rushed back." Axel snagged the cigarette from Roxas, also taking a drag. Roxas vividly remembered what Axel was referring to. The look of panic on his face, the desperate kiss no matter how platonic.

Axel was not lying to him. Roxas was now scarily certain.

"I've been sitting up here for hours trying to sort through the memories. I made Xion come over because I… she also knows everything. You don't yet… I think."

"Then why does our room look trashed?"

Axel's eyes flashed bitterly, "If you remembered everything you would've done the same thing. I just... snapped, I guess. Needed to take my anger out. That's why I made Xion answer the phone, I couldn't see you yet."

Roxas glared again, "Yeah, what was that about Axel? I was freaking out."

Axel gave a weak smile, "I know. I didn't want to see you that way, all messed up. I probably would have just grabbed you and hugged you and cried until I passed out. I needed to give myself a bit of time to decide how I was going to say this to you."

"Say what?"

"The nightmares we have are real memories. You and I were part of the same Organization, and so were most of the people we know."

Roxas scrunched his eyebrows together, feeling his gut drop. It was like embracing a bizarre identity. Roxas knew that after today there was no going back to how reality was before.

_Organization XIII_.

The name came to him easily. And he knew that the Organization actually had fourteen members. Nobodies only given numbers to identify with.

"But that can't be right. You just said you died for Sora. If these memories were real, you would have died in front of me." Roxas's back was ridged and his words tight.

"I did die in front of you." Axel murmured, tossing the cigarette out the window. "You were… gone by that point. Your soul merged back with Sora."

Another burst of images flashed recklessly across Roxas's mind. Summer vacation, Twilight Town… _Sora_. Why didn't he realize his own twin was in his nightmares?

Tears stung Roxas' eyes, and he stared helplessly at Axel.

"Then it's true. I watched you die." He whispered, ashamed. "I left, forgot you… and watched you _die_."

Roxas leapt forward, nearly knocking Axel off the windowsill. He threw his arms around Axel and started sobbing with wild abandon, clutching the redhead so tightly he doubted he could properly breathe. But Axel pulled his arms around Roxas and hugged him back with that same fierce intensity.

It took Roxas a while to calm himself. A singular memory kept replaying through his head.

"_I wanted to see Roxas again. He was the only one I ever liked… he made me feel like I had a heart."_

Roxas pulled away from the embrace. He was lying across Axel's lap, fingers still clutching his shirt.

"Do you think I will remember everything, too?" He croaked with a harsh voice. Axel nodded, his eyes wet.

Axel watched Roxas carefully before cupping his cheeks gently. He thumbed at Roxas' tears and let his head fall forward to bump foreheads.

"I'm_ so_ sorry I had to tell you," Axel cried softly, a few tears falling unbidden.

Roxas was choked with emotion as he scooting forward to wipe away those tears in return.

And then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Roxas lifted his head and pressed his lips firmly to Axel's mouth. Axel responded immediately, bringing his hands up to curl in blond spikes.

Their first kiss tasted of salt and cigarette smoke. Axel mindlessly sought entrance by tapping his tongue against Roxas's lower lip. Roxas opened his mouth and attacked Axel with his tongue, kissing him like he was drinking water in a desert. They pulled away for air only to dive back in again.

There were no words for this kissing in their minds. It was comfort, it was consolation, it was '_I'm so happy he's alive_-'.

Roxas eventually pulled back, nuzzling his nose into Axel's cheek. The held each other, tightly, unable to let go. Axel rubbed his hands over Roxas's back, every so often adjusting the smaller body close. They remained silent for almost an hour. The sun was peaking over the horizon when they moved over to the bed.

Axel passed out instantly but Roxas stayed wide awake. He forced himself to replay his nightmares as much as he could. He felt like if he did this he could keep remembering details one right after another.

By morning he remembered everything.

XVIII.

The next day, Roxas did everything he could to appear nonchalant. He didn't speak to Demyx or Zexion about this new reality, and certainly not Sora. Xion appeared early, and gave Roxas an understanding hug. She could tell from the lost look in his eyes that he remembered. She'd seen that expression mirrored on her own face a hundred times.

The group ate pancakes and talked about the party they were planning for that evening. Roxas noticed Axel acting equally withdrawn. He held Axel's hand under the table, and gave the appendage a squeeze. Axel smiled down at him, and Roxas grew calm.

This new reality of the shared past was overwhelming, but they were still Axel and Roxas. They were still best mates. Still… lovers? Roxas wondered. Was that what they were now? Since the kiss?

He wanted to ask Axel about it, but Sora was too busy jabbering away. Sora always had the unique ability to feel comfortable around anyone even after just meeting them. It's was like he'd always been a part of the group.

Sora was excited about the party; he'd didn't attend University and never been to a college party. Dem and Zex promised him it would be a night never to be forgotten. Axel silently agreed.

The group bantered about the games they would play, about the people they would invite. Xion volunteered to set up the beer pong table, Demyx said he would clean the house quick (Sora agreed to help him), Zexion needed to go to work.

Axel offered to pick up the keg for that evening, Roxas volunteering to accompany him. They took Zexion's car after dropping him off at work and drove in relative silence after that.

As Roxas stared out the window of the passenger's seat, he was thinking about the vibrant kiss that they shared the night before. Axel pulled into the parking lot outside the liquor store. He was motioning to leave the car, but Roxas grabbed Axel's arm.

Thoughts were swirling. The word lover, cheesy but plausible, was at the front of his mind.

"What's up?" Axel asked, though it was unnecessary. They both knew that there were a million things unsaid, and it would take a very long time before they could sort these thoughts out.

"Kiss me?" Roxas pleaded, wondering if they could recapture those emotions. Wondering if last night was a fluke and Axel would refuse. But Axel would never refuse him.

Axel made a strangled sound before reaching over and pressing their lips together. There was quiet desperation in the way he kissed Roxas. Their mouths made wet smacking noises as they deepened the kiss. Roxas's heart was pounding in his ears. He reached over and tangled his fingers into the red hair. Axel pulled at Roxas's waist until the smaller boy was atop him. They continued kissing like it was the only thing they ever wanted to do, Roxas uncaring that the steering wheel was jabbing into his back.

Honking horns made them pull away, and they looked over to see a few of their friends in two separate cars, parked next to them. They yelled and make suggestive noises, waving wildly and smirking as if _'I told you so'_.

Roxas flicked them off while Axel smiled sheepishly. They gave each other a look, and smiled in unison. Both started laughing, for no apparent reason, Roxas dropping his head to Axel's shoulder. This laughing was semi-hysteric, and only ended when Roxas kissed Axel again. They hugged for a moment before finally getting out of the car to complete their purchase.

That night their house was packed. Almost fifty friends came for the impromptu party, and the house was sweaty and humid. Demyx and Sora were taking shots of Goldschlager, Zexion reading in the corner. Roxas and Axel barely left each other's side, but the rumors of their kiss echoed around the house. Roxas hoped Sora was too drunk to listen.

As the party got later, and the kids became intoxicated, Roxas finally grabbed Xion and Axel and pulled them upstairs. They climbed out of the window and shimmied up to the roof together, where they always went to talk. Axel pulled out a cigarette and lit it. They each took turns puffing.

"So you remember now?" Xion asked, rolling onto her back against the roof tiles.

"Yep, pretty fucked isn't it."

"We were best friends back then," Xion stated nonchalantly.

"We still are." Axel pointed out. Xion frowned.

"You both think I'm your best friend?" She was astonished.

"Psssh," Roxas burst out laughing, rolling next to her. "C'mon Xion, of course! 'Sides Dem and Zex you're our best friend in the world."

"I'm glad," she said, smiling at both of them earnestly. Axel leaned across and ruffled her hair and for the first time it felt exactly the same as back in Twilight Town, the three of them watching the sunsets and eating ice cream. It sent a wave of nostalgia, but they didn't say a word.

They sat silently together for almost a minute before Axel cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop them from killing you, Xion," Axel felt like this apology was long overdue. "I wanted to save both of you… but I couldn't."

Roxas laughed again, earning stares, "Damn! This conversation is so warped! If people heard us they'd think we were crazy, talking about our past lives like this."

Axel chuckled, "Crazy is relative."

"Exactly!" Xion added cheerfully.

Roxas grinned, and got a distantly thoughtful look on his face. "Should we talk to Dem and Zex about it?"

"I've already had long talks with Zexion," Xion informed him. "Back then we were both trying to convince ourselves that we weren't insane."

Axel agreed, "Yeah, and if Dem doesn't remember we should leave that to Zexion. Even back in the Organization they were close."

This was oddly surreal for all three, discussing this past that they only just remembered and the world that had been unbearable to live in. Now they sat in completely different lives, the same people under radically different circumstances. Roxas finally stood reaching over to Axel. Axel grabbed the proffered hand, standing as Xion whistled.

"What?" Axel asked down to Xion.

"So~ are the rumors true? Tif said she spotted you two munching on each other's tongues at the liquor store today!"

Axel and Roxas groaned in unison, yet Roxas gave Xion a small smile. This smile made Xion hold her breath, because it was such a heartbreakingly happy expression. Roxas's eyes were vibrant, and warm, and finally calm and complete.

"Yes, I guess it's true."

Xion stood cheerfully, clapping both her hands on the boy's shoulders. "Can you do it again?"

Axel raised his eyebrows, "You want to see us kiss?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, "Girls."

Xion nodded, with an expectant look. Axel glanced down at Roxas, waiting for permission. Roxas rolled his eyes again and peered up at Axel, bringing his hand to stroke his cheek. The alcohol made Roxas a lot more open, a lot braver.

"Kiss me?" He asked for the second time that day. Axel couldn't win against that tone.

Their mouths met, Xion squealing in the background. As her friends made out she took a quick photo on her cell, sending it to Zexion. Attached was the message, "_You owe me twenty bucks."_

That night, drunk and overwhelmed that they had each other, Roxas and Axel slept together in the physical sense. It was awkward, and neither knew quite what to do, but they worked it out. And it made them feel pure, clean, renewed. It made their hearts feel connected, and the nightmares would never be scary to either of them, ever again.

Because even if Roxas watched Axel try desperately to save him before he died, now Axel was here, pressed against him, all heat and beautiful green eyes and cynical personality. And even if Roxas forgot Axel, and his soul was taken away, they both possessed something they didn't before.

They both finally had hearts.

Sated and sweaty, Roxas told Axel what he had known from the moment he clapped his eyes on him. That there would be no other person in the entire world that Roxas would love more than him. There would be no other person that Roxas's heart would beat for, and he'd felt this way even back when he contained no heart to offer.

Axel cried, holding Roxas against his bare skin, relieved beyond belief. And Axel told Roxas that they would be together forever, because there was no one else who would ever made Axel feel like he deserved a heart, like he was worthy. There was no other person that Axel wanted to wake up to every morning or fall asleep next to every night. There was no other set of cerulean eyes that would stop him dead in his tracks, make his heart pound; no other snarky blond boy who would make him feel complete.

And just like that, they sorted away their feelings for each other, making things bluntly clear. Yes, they were lovers, boyfriends, and a couple. It would be stupid not to call themselves that since their expressions clearly showed they only had eyes for the other. And yes, they would tell Demyx and Zexion, but no they would not tell Sora.

Before they fell asleep, they agreed that they wouldn't bother with the memories of the past; instead they would continue living their lives as if they never remembered in the first place.

They were only seniors in college, not assassins. Axel couldn't fight worth a damn, and Roxas wasn't searching for something to complete him.

This moment was inevitable, always meant to happen. They were meant to meet each other in their next life, and to find Demyx and Zexion and Xion. They were fated to redeem their sins of that past life.

The Organization was to them, just a bad memory.

Or rather, just a bad dream.

XIX.

Roxas sat across from Axel at the café where he worked. Axel was on his break with both of their laptops on the table, idly working at homework assignments. With only several weeks before graduation, so they were working double time to finish.

Zexion and Demyx were sitting in the corner booth, practically on top of one another. It only took Demyx a few days to join their group (Xion now called them the _Somebodies_). About a week later, Roxas accidentally walked in on Zexion and Demyx dry humping, only to edge quietly out of the room unnoticed.

For any straight couple, that was the month they didn't go to any parties at their house. Because there were so many gay lust vibes circulating around those parties that they felt uncomfortable. Mostly at those parties were attended by girls, hoping to catch Roxas pecking Axel on the lips or Zexion running his fingers through Dem's hair.

If people thought Roxas and Axel were stuck together with glue before, when they started dating it gave new meaning to that expression. Same with Zexion and Demyx. One of Demyx's girl buddies was absolutely heartbroken when she heard he was dating his quiet roommate.

But nobody could fault the boys, because it was just so damn obvious how much they loved each other.

The four changed radically since they first met in University.

Axel didn't party as much anymore, he focused on his work. Roxas was friendly and talkative now, not as much as his twin, but still. Demyx was relaxed and blasé, and Zexion calm and content.

None of them could imagine what life would be like if they hadn't met each other. It was basically unimaginable.

Roxas took a sip of his coffee, watching the lights play off Axel's hair.

Sora was surprisingly okay with his twin being gay. Roxas never meant to tell, but two nights before Sora returned to the Islands, he walked in on them naked. Sora promised him not to tell their father, not that it mattered because Roxas had no intentions of going back.

Roxas wondered if Sora would ever remember the past. He figured if the day ever came they would have a lot to talk about.

For the four soon to be college graduates, life was at absolute peace. Yes, they were worried about what they would be doing for a career, but it was an unspoken agreement that they would move away together, all of them, including Xion.

It had taken them so long to finally get to this point that they couldn't take it back now. They were supposed to be inseparable. This was how things were meant to be.

Roxas stopped typing, reaching across the table to grab Axel's hand. Axel look up at him and smiled blissfully. Roxas would never know how much his expression mirrored that.

They tightened their fingers around one another.

"_Let's meet again in the next life,"_ A voice called in Axel's mind.

"_Yeah- I'll be waiting."_Roxas replied.


End file.
